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Is Behaviour a Choice?

Positive Behaviour management, all those stars and stickers and withheld privileges, is based on the idea that a child can choose to behave well or choose to behave badly.

That may be true for most children, but if you have a child who just learns and thinks differently, whether or not they are diagnosed with dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD or ASD, their experience of the world is different.

For these children, something you ask them to do, that seems harmless and easy to you, may be experienced by them as dangerous and difficult or just very uncomfortable.

You wouldn’t expect a child to follow your direction if you asked them to put their hand in the fire.

Consider that for some children with sensory irregularities, going into a noisy room, dealing with lights, or being exposed to certain touch or smell or taste sensations, can be as difficult or threatening as putting a hand in a fire.

It may be hard to imagine, but once there are threats to personal safety, invisible to others, behaviour is no longer a choice.

The most useful thing is to deal with those irregularities with a neurodevelopmental program. Meanwhile, it’s about recognizing that some things are just not easy for some people.

They’ll likely do better if they are protected, accommodated and not judged, and if their attempts to cooperate are acknowledged.